HB: Kenny Bania - Lloyd Braun - Jackie Chiles
C: Jerry Seinfeld - Joe Bookman - Duncan Meyer
HF: J Peterman - 'Crazy' Joe Davola - Elaine Benes
FF: George Costanza - David Puddy - Newman
R: Jimmy - Yev Kassem (The Soup Nazi) - Tony
Int: Jean-Paul - Mr Kruger - Mickey Abbott
Sue Ellen Mishke
Coach: George Steinbrenner
Assistant Coach: Stan the Caddy
Strength and Conditioning: Morty 'Eat a Plum' Seinfeld
Runner: Frank Costanza
#1 Ticket Holder: This guy
Now for my favourite part- the rationale!
Defence- Starting from the full-back line we have Mike Moffit, Cosmo Kramer and Izzy Mandelbaum. Mike is your Mr Fix-It; your jack of all trades; in this case, your back-pocket plumber! Kramer could have played anywhere down the spine of this team, but I felt he most closely resembled Dustin Fletcher. He's rangy, flexible and, as shown by his near-foray on the senior golf tour, Kramer will only get better with age. Izzy Mandelbaum is the leader of the back six who is capable of the most inspiring team talks you're ever likely to here. When you hear "it's go time" you know the onus is on you to do your best for Izzy. Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
There is no shortage of class on the half-back line. Kenny Bania- the fish eating the shark's laughs- will be camped behind Jerry Seinfeld's wing cutting off anything that gets by. Lloyd Braun, at centre half-back, may have a screw loose but he will fight for the ball like a junkyard dog. I can hear it now, Frank Costanza getting in the heads of the opposition CHF each week with calls of "you never could compete with Lloyd Braun!" Jackie Chiles, as well as being the most eloquent member of the team, brings a surety to the defensive half that every team needs.
Midfielders- With Jerry Seinfeld and Duncan Meyer on either wing this team has the sort of speed that will strike fear into opposition teams, but only if they can put aside their differences. With Lt. Joe Bookman in the engine room you have one of the most committed men to ever lace-up a boot. There is no pleasure in the game for Joe; it is strictly business. Cross him at your peril.
The ruck was perhaps the most difficult position to pin down, and there may be some rotation from centre half-forward, but for now Jimmy has the nod. His leap, much like Jeff White before him, belies his height and his basketball background sees his taps to advantage stats lead all comers.
As if the onball tenacity of Joe Bookman wasn't enough, I've added The Soup Nazi to the midfield mix. A misunderstood character, Yev Kassem puts his heart and soul into matters that he cares deeply about. While he has made it quite clear that he won't be waxing on the field with a certain Ms Benes, he is prepared to put his disdain for man-kind aside for the good of the team. When I drafted my 22 originally, I sat back and acknowledged that the midfield lacked brilliance- it was then I remembered Tony. Tony (the mimbo) is athletic, fearless and, after his massive facial trauma, will be more than happy to put his head over the ball.
Forwards- J Peterman is a bit of a wildcard on the half-forward flank. He's a mysterious character, yet disciplined, which is a key asset in what is a largely erratic forward line. 'Crazy' Joe Devola, much like Lloyd Braun at centre-half back, is insane. But he has a large frame and an outstanding leap, as evidenced in The Pilot episode. Elaine is tenacious and won't take any crap from opposition players. And she has the moves.
George has been placed in a forward pocket using the Under 12's selection policy; I don't know where else to put him, so forward or back pocket it is. George has an intimate knowledge of sports, yet any reference to him playing sport reveals him to be horrendous- a chucker. Puddy, like Davola ahead of him, brings another big frame to the forward 50 and he is also a sports nut. Newman is our diamond in the rough. He's a fantastic tennis player and can climb trees like a ring-tailed lemur, suggesting his athleticism belies his plump frame. And, albeit not a Seinfeld reference, he got playing time in Space Jam- that's a massive tick!
Interchange- Jean-Paul is a freak athlete, yet is still some way short of peak fitness following a freak scalding accident. Mr Kruger adds another strong key position player to the mix. Mickey Abbott, a little person, is the stand-in for anyone that gets injured, while Sue Ellen Mischke has been named purely to serve as a distraction. She has a proven track record in this area and should prove to be quite an asset.
Team Chemistry- There are a number of personality clashes in this side, so I can see the tension constantly boiling just under the surface. Starting from the back....
Mike- Jerry broke his thumbs and allegedly tried to kill him, while George and Mike had a major dispute about a parking spot.
Kramer- Joe Davola kicked Kramer in the side of the head; Peterman suspects him of being a drug dealer; Kramer dribbled water on the ground which led to Jimmy's serious injury; Kramer sued Sue Ellen.
Izzy- Had less than pleasant dealings with both Jerry and Morty, resulting in the whole Mandelbaum family being laid-up in hospital with bad backs.
Bania- Kenny is a pretty affable character, and would have grounds to hold grudges against Kramer and Jerry, but should be no trouble.
Lloyd- Frank fired him and George was the major reason behind said sacking. There is also some sexual tension between Lloyd and Elaine.
Jackie- The gang (Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer) were responsible for besmirching his good name in the legal world.
Jerry- Too many to list. Will be tension with Mike, Izzy, Bania, Jackie, Bookman, Duncan, Davola, Newman and Sue Ellen.
Bookman- Bookman has beef with Jerry, and Jerry alone.
Duncan- Jerry, for beating him in the 100m dash on two occasions while cheating.
Peterman- He fired Elaine; he holds George responsible for killing his mother, and suspects Kramer of being a drug dealer.
Davola- Tried to kill Kramer, put the kibosh on Jerry, and feels rejected by Elaine.
Elaine- Similar with Jerry, too many to rationalise. Lloyd, Jackie, Peterman, Davola, Puddy, Frank, Sue Ellen and, most of all, the Soup Nazi.
George- As above... Mike, Jackie, Peterman, the Soup Nazi, Jimmy and Tony.
Puddy- Elaine, mostly, and potentially Kramer for reviving his fear of germs.
Newman- His irrational hatred of Jerry will be a major threat to team chemistry. Is in love with Elaine, so could be some tension there.
Jimmy- Kramer for causing him harm. George for destroying his business.
Yev- Elaine for destroying his business. George for not ordering properly.
Tony- George for letting go of the ropes while rock climbing, causing major facial trauma.
No comments:
Post a Comment